Buona giornata

Day 5 in the Big Brother House, not really, I'm in MILANO.

What a crazy 5 days it's been, it's still not sunk in that I am not heading back to England any time soon - weird!
Day 1 I woke up full of alacrity, couldn't wait to get going and get started but it was a Sunday and in Italy Sunday really is a day of rest unless you are a shop located on the gold rectangle! I headed to the Duomo and walked for a few hours up and down main streets and back streets and found a little supermarket and a public park to sit and munch on my cherry tomato's and bread! yum. The sun was out and it was actually quite warm for winter!! - I spoke too soon and now Giorni della Merla is upon us and i'm hoping it really doesn't last any longer!!

Giorni della merla

An Italian legend says that the last three days of January are the coldest of the year and are called the “giorni della merla” (literally: days of the she-blackbird). Different versions of the story say that the “merla” was a bird, a cannon or even a noblewoman. Sometimes the days are stretched until the first of February, but if this period is very cold, spring will come soon and it will be warm.

 

Erika (my new temporary housemate) told me all about Giorni della merla whilst we were drinking tea sat next to the radiator! brrrr - I was telling her about my absolutely horrendous day. It started with some very sad news which made me distracted and I forgot to take my map out with me or charge my phone. I was going to an interview and it was pouring with rain. I knew I had to get on the metro and head to Porta Romana and walk from there but I only realised id forgotten my map when I got there. I got my phone out and it had died - oh how unorganised of me. I headed off in what I thought was the right direction, I was soaked already had rain in my shoes, my gloves were sodden and I just wanted to get to where I needed to be or at least find a news stand so I could buy a map. After walking around for 20 mins in the wrong direction I found a news stand and got a map - phew, I had 15 mins left until I had to be there and I looked on the map and realised I was so far away I didn't think I would make it, by now it was snowing my hair was wet and I had snowflakes on my nose and eyelashes. (Do Rae Mee) I wanted to cry because I was scared but remembered that book Kelly Cutrone wrote called "if you have to cry go outside" and realised crying wasn't going to get me to my interview so I took a deep breath and just walked as fast as I could. Went the wrong way again - HOW CAN I NOT READ A MAP????
I finally made it 15 mins late but put a smile on my soggy face and had the interview.
So I guess I now have a part time freelance tutoring job - its a start and its only day 5 (PROUD)
I have another interview on Tuesday for another job which may co-inside well with this one if I get it. Despite my mild panic and the horrendous weather of giorni della merla things are looking up.

Spring had better be warm and I hope i'm still here!!

xx

SAGs

Oh its Monday, worst day of the week, poor little fella gets so much stick! I don't get the Monday blues anymore because I'm self employed (but mainly just unemployed!) I have a tutee who gives me my food money every week for doing something that I LOVE!

Even though i'm not teaching today and I have no strict plans or places to be, its midday and i've been in the library for 2 hours writing a lesson plan and researching careers sites for information on interviews for a workshop i'm doing on Sunday. I'm not really earning any money right now so why oh why am I so happy?

I spent last week in a "deep rest", not depressed, DEEP REST. Some people think its the same thing, I disagree. I felt very heavy and wanted to sleep most of the time and when I did go out of the house I felt tired and not myself. Its so easy to just hibernate when you have no plans, no job and nothing to do in general so I can see how people get into a very dark state and begin to feel like they are just existing. A very wise friend of mine once introduced me to SAGs - Small Achievable Goals. These are very useful things to concentrate on. So to pull me out of my Deep Rest I set myself some SAGs for today.

1. Write a lesson plan for my lesson tomorrow
2. Research and begin the write up for my workshop on Sunday
3. Blog
4. Make a pea puree some humus and some flatbread
5. Smile at strangers!

So I may not be at "work" or "employed" and earning money today but I'm so busy doing things that I love and enjoy and making sure I do not spend the next 2 weeks in a deep rest.

Don't get me wrong we all need to do a job and make money to survive but when you get the opportunity to take some time out and really concentrate on you, take up a new hobby, read the paper, research a new career path, set SAGs  for your future, it is a blessing.

ENJOY YOUR DAY! set some SAGs :) xx

2014 "Heart Thoughts"

Hello Beauts! Super sorry I neglected the blog but been so busy trying to sort my life out I just haven't had time.

Since I last blogged I moved out of my house,  lovely Carlos moved to Manchester,  I had a temp job at a Jewellery shop and Christmas and New Year came and went very very fast! (Birthday next week though so celebrations still to be had!)

Anyway, I'm back and ready to share some wisdom /  inspiration with you in the form of Louise L Hay. If you haven't heard of her,  be sure to find out more about her and what she is all about!
www.louisehay.com

The story goes like this. Once upon a time I met a girl with glasses and blonde hair, she wore flip flops t-shirts and jeans on nights out and we became besties pretty quickly. 9 years on we talk every day (even though she lives in another country) and we share our thoughts about life, love, people, places and trivial things on a regular basis. This Christmas she bought me the most wonderful gift. A book called "Heart Thoughts" by Louise L Hay. I can't even begin to describe how positive,  alive and inspired this book makes me feel.

"When the student is ready, the teacher appears. Not a moment before and not a moment later. You need to trust in the perfection of life, and know that everything is in Divine Right Order at all times." Louise L Hay

If you are lucky enough to have it all figured out,  you are happy all the time and you haven't a care in the world YOU ARE LIEING! we are all friends here,  its ok to put your hand up and say "I'm unhappy and I don't know how to change  it"  Been there,  and will probably be  there again at some point, it is called being human!

The book is a collection of affirmations and snippets of wisdom and inspiration for lots of different aspects of your life, whether you have difficulty finding love,  opening up to love, forgiving people who have hurt you, building strong relationships with your parents or changing your path. The words have meaning and they are truly effective.

A friend of mine told me that they aren't happy in their  job, they are bored of what they are doing and they need a change. I have given her this book to borrow! The main lesson I have learned from it is that I am in charge of me, my choices, my decisions and only I can make myself truly happy by doing what I need to do. (The support and encouragement of loved ones helps of course!)
Here are a few snippets from Louise L Hays book. "Heart Thoughts"

"If you are going to listen to people, listen to the winners. Listen to those who know what they are doing and who prove what they are doing"

"If you do not love yourself,  totally, wholly and fully, somewhere along the way you learned not to. You can unlearn it. Start being kind to yourself now."

Change requires you to start from within.  you cannot change your outer world without clearing your inner mind, working it all out in your head and then setting goals and putting these into action. Its the beginning of a new year, where do you want  to be this time next year? and what do you need to do to get there? If you don't have all of the answers yet, be open to possibilities and if your mind starts trying to trick you with restrictions, know that there is ALWAYS a way around them.

I have a few goals for the year ahead,  some may be  a bit too ambitious, others  probably more reachable and realistic but i'll share them with you anyway!

- Move to  Italy to live and work as an English Teacher (already actioned this,  i'm flying on 25th January)
- Learn to speak Italian
- Fall in love, or at least be more open to it.
- Sign up to and start a culinary course.
- Do an Open Mic night in Milan

What are yours?

Wake me up when September ends

Oh goodness me what a month it's been so far. Started off very exciting had lots of events to go to, lots of birthday celebrations and the start of a new term volunteering at Refugee Action York. I have always seen September as a 2nd "New Year." Growing up it was the start of a new school year, the opportunity to set goals and plan the year ahead and make it a really good one. The change in season from summer to autumn  also gives me a boost and makes me want to change.  So with that in mind I handed in my notice and i'm leaving my job on 1st November.

A bit of a scary and quick decision, but it needed to be done. When I took the job, I did it for "Job security" because I had been made redundant twice by the time I was 27 and I just wanted a job I wasn't going to get kicked out of! It's served its purpose, I have spent the last year working towards becoming an EFL teacher and got myself some great experience thanks to a good connection I had with an old friend. Now I want to continue down this path and really make a go of it so I have "bitten the bullet" and now i'm frantically trying to get somewhere with it all!

I'm not going to lie, I am stressed out underneath my "ahh well its just a job, i'll get another until I manage to get a contract at a school abroad" exterior! BUT this is definitely the best way to be for me, the pressure is a kick up the bum! I'm quite surprised at how many people have said they wish they were as brave as me. My theory is, the worst that could happen in any situation is death! I'm not going to die because I left my job!!

Sooooo, other than quitting my job and throwing my life in the air and waiting to see where it lands, I've been lucky enough to see my best friend after just over a year. She came to visit me along with her sister whilst she was over in England on holiday. I speak to her every day but seeing her and being in her presence is such a wonderful feeling, its as though life is complete again just for a few days! I'm very inspired by her and I think I needed to see her to help me make my decision about my job. We had a lovely few days catching up and mooching around, eating French food and drinking lovely French vin rouge! If you have never been to Cote Brasserie, you are missing out! get a table booked! www.cote-restaurants.co.uk

I've spent this weekend having a couple of friends over watching movies and eating too much!
I watched "The perks of being a wallflower" yesterday and my friend told me the only way he could describe it was "Beautiful" and he was spot on. It really was a beautiful film and I can see why he likes it so much. He loves the Rocky Horror Picture Show which features in the film and there were a lot of other parts of the film which made me think of him. If you haven't seen it, make sure you get it on your list! It reminded me of Moonrise Kingdom and Almost Famous, both great films!

Next weekend I am going to London with my lovely friend Carl. We have rented an apartment which will mean we can cook and eat in (save money!!) and it will be a nice base to relax in after a long busy day of exploring. Looking forward to Borough Market and the V&A but not looking forward to the 6am train! I'm sure it will be worth it!

So, if you are reading this and thinking that you want a new start and you are looking for a new path, DO IT!! Change is good, and if it doesn't work, you will become wise. Wisdom is a gift! WISH ME LUCK!!

Lots of Love,  Happiness always x

"No Matter What Club" Part 1

Hello! Its been a while!

I decided to write a blog that features some of my super friends. I decided to give a few of them some questions to answer as a bit of a "get to know you" and I am hoping for some good well thought out answers! I feel inspired by these people on a weekly basis to be the best version of me that I can be. I'm sure you all have that group of friends who support you and offer you great advice, but who also tell you when you are wrong or being irrational! (sometimes I don't like them when they do that!!) But its great to be surrounded by positive energy and interesting people who are always around no matter what! So here's a little introduction to my "No Matter What Club"

Please let it be noted, The "No Matter What Club" was a phrase coined by Kelly Cutrone in her book "Normal gets you nowhere"



 
This is my sister Rachel. Rachel inspires me because she is very head strong, a fan of tough love and doesn't sugar coat anything! As you can see from her short answers, she doesn't add fluff to anything!

What is your favourite receptacle to drink tea or coffee from?

A big mug that will normally fit at least more than a normal amount of tea in - always handy on a hangover day!

 

Which season makes you feel most alive?

Summer because the sun is out. It's like I've come out of hibernation.

 

What time of day do you enjoy the most?
The evening when you feel a bit weary after work but then you see your mates and it's like having an extra few hours to cheer up and relax.

Where is your favourite green space?
Down by the river in York where I live.

Do you like people watching? Where is your favourite spot?Either on the river (Millennium Bridge) in York or sat outside Cafe rouge at the back of Harrods in London.

This is Kelly, I've known Kelly for 9 years, although I haven't seen her for a year we chat on a daily basis. Kelly works for Emirates as Cabin Crew and I'm pretty sure we are soulmates!
Kelly inspires me to achieve my goals and to do things that make me happy on a daily basis, we talk about a lot of interesting topics and a lot of not so interesting topics, we like to send each other photographs of our dinner and drink tea! :)

What is your favourite receptacle to drink tea or coffee from?My Blue metallic NASA mug. It has a chip in and a hair line crack so It's days are numbered 5, 4, 3, 2 1... lol

Which season makes you feel most alive?All seasons give me a strange energy when they first come.  I recognise the change instantly, the smells, sounds and my recognition is usually accompanied with nostalgia and memories of a previous year or my childhood.  But autumn is my favourite.  Bonfire night,  harvest festivals, Halloween. I love it so much. I Miss it.

What time of day do you enjoy the most?I guess I enjoy waking the most. (Naturally is better) it's the time I feel most appreciative for the things I have in life.  It's the time of the day when I'm at my most relaxed before my mind begins to focus on the doings of the day.  The relaxed feeling can sometimes last a little longer and if I do something productive in this time I'm always a lot more creative and inspired.

Where is your favourite green space?
All green space. Any green space. Every green space. I live in the desert. 
But seriously I don't think I have been to it yet.  I love out doors and national parks and would love to visit more but none spring to mind.  Ask me in a few years.

Do you like people watching? Where is your favourite spot?
I love to people watch. I sometimes think I don't do it enough, but a busy Street whilst having a coffee.  I prefer it in England too. Maybe it's the familiarity that makes the people easier to read and therefore more interesting to watch.  Who knows.  The Charles grey pub at the top of the building near monument in Newcastle springs to mind.  People have no idea you are sitting looking down on them. You see bald patches and all! Heh.


Say hello to Jenny P! I've known Jen for a couple of years, we met at work and have developed a fantastic friendship over our love of Travel and Prosecco, we hope to do a world wine tour one day!
Jenny inspires me to be less rigid and have more fun. She's very much a "live in the moment" and "go with it" sort of person and I think her attitude to life is very positive and infectious!

What is your favourite receptacle to drink tea or coffee from?
I don't drink tea or coffee but if I did it would be a tea in a tea cup and saucer!

Which season makes you feel most alive?The season that makes me feel most alive is Winter because its the festive season and everyone gets together and unites to enjoy lots of family time and great nights out with friends.

What time of day do you enjoy the most?
My favourite time of day is 8pm cos either I am out or enjoying a nice night in.

Where is your favourite green space? My favourite green place is Bootham crescent :) (York City football ground for those of you who didn't know, Jenny loves football!!)

Do you like people watching? Where is your favourite spot?Favourite people watching is in the park as you have friends together at all ages and family days out.

This is Jodie, we've been friends for about 5 years maybe a bit more. I've learned a lot from Jodie and she's helped me realise that sometimes letting things go and being more relaxed about life is a lot easier and makes me a lot happier than panicking about things beyond my control. She has quite a calming effect on me. The way Jodie handles difficult situations inspires me to look at things from a different angle.

What is your favourite receptacle to drink tea or coffee from?You can't beat tea from a flask.

Which season makes you feel most alive?Spring - after a cold, dark winter the arrival of spring lifts my spirits - lots of new life and my favourite flowers daffodils and tulips.

What time of day do you enjoy the most? Mornings - they are quiet and peaceful, people are still in bed and you can't hear the buzz of traffic.
Where is your favourite green space?The Yorkshire Dales, probably Wensleydale with it's rolling green hills and tranquil streams and waterfalls.

Do you like people watching? Where is your favourite spot?Yes love it. A nice little pavement cafe drinking coffee, an Italian piazza would be perfect!

This is Louise, Louise and I became instant BFFs in 2009 when I started working with her. Some people thought our  personalities would clash but we got on like a house on fire! Whenever I need advice Louise is always there waiting for me and always knows the rights things to say, she taught me about "SAGs" Small Achievable Goals and "This too shall pass" full of lovely words of wisdom, she's also blummin hilarious!

What is your favourite receptacle to drink tea or coffee from?

-ah very important question!! And a hard one i love teacups and mugs. I love to drink tea from one (of many) of my nana's tea sets. I have a beautiful one with brambles on!
It does of course depend on the drink though as hot chocolate needs to be drunk out of a big chunky mug you can get your hands around and sink into your sofa. ( my fav for this would be my tim horton's mug from Canada)
I also have a couple of enamel mugs which I love -totally impractical as the metal heats up and you get burnt but I feel very 'country living' and a bit smug when I drink out if it - like I am AMAZING at gardening when really I can't be arsed and am really sun bathing! - for this mug I feel a fruit blend works well!

Which season makes you feel most alive and why?

In essence I am a summer girl, I love the sun as a dull day makes me feel bleugh! However I also adore the spring as all the bulbs are popping up and waking up after winter - and it also means summer is almost here!
I also love the really sunny days in winter when the grass is crispy and your cheeks are rosy! And I love the colours of autumn.

So I can feel alive in all seasons (which is good) but you can't beat a tan and sun bleached high lights! Ha ha

What time of day do you enjoy the most and why?I like it when you finish work early and you have all evening ahead of you! All those possibilities!!!

Where is your favourite green space?I love being by the water- I don't care if it is a river, sea, lake, duck pond or water feature! I find it calming.

Do you like people watching? Where is your favourite spot?1. The hull to zebrugger ferry! The best people watching ever!
2. Outside Clifton bingo
3. The museum gardens on a sunny day.

4. The obvious coffee shop window - classic.

5. The queue for the porta loo at any festival.

6. Taxi offices between 11pm and 3am.

7. Airports!!! I love this one especially, brilliant stories! 'Love actually' was right!!!

More to come ...

Fear

I feel as though I question myself alot, am I ready to let go? am I ready to get a new job? am I ready to commit to a relationship? am I ready to do anything at all?  Is there ever a good time? Should I wait for it or should I just jump in and see if I sink or swim?

If you have read my previous blogs you will know that since November I've been training to become an EFL teacher, EFL is "English as a Foreign Language. I decided to do the course to enable me to eventually achieve my dream of living in Italy. I completed the course in April and ever since I have been looking for some voluntary experience, last week I was asked whether I was available to do some work over the summer at the English Language Centre in York. The first feeling I had was excitement and then I suddenly thought, hold on, am I ready to be given a class to teach? Apprehensive and a bit scared I popped along and met the person who helps run the school, turns out we met a few years ago and ended up having a bit of a catch up like old friends! I felt more at ease knowing that I knew someone but still wasn't quite sure if I was ready to be thrown in as a teacher.

I spoke to some friends about it and I was absolutely overwhelmed by the support I was given. Lots of encouraging words like "Hannah i'm so proud of you for doing this" "You'll be fine, you have a great character and personality you will do a great job" "They have faith in you, so use their faith to give you confidence" "you've got to start somewhere, and if it doesn't work out its not because you didn't try" - all of these things are absolutely 100% true and so what if I don't feel ready? If I can swim through this I'll be a few steps closer to Italy and my little dream.

Fear is a horrible emotion which I feel too much and combating the fear of the unknown is the only way to achieve what you set out to do. I'll be so nervous on my first day I will probably want to throw up, but getting past that first hurdle will be an achievement in itself.

Everything that I have wanted to happen for the last year has finally happened within the last 2 weeks and I feel as though I don't have the right to be sad, feel stressed or be unhappy because of "Fear" so I am looking at this as an opportunity to prove my myself that I can do this. I hope that any fears you have about taking steps to achieve your dreams will be helped by reading this or even just the following quotes.

"A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice." - Edgar Watson Howe - Country Town Sayings (1911)

"Fear is an affirmation of your growth because it proves that you are risking." Rhonda Britten

 “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by each experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along. You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” - Eleanor Roosevelt

xx

Meditation and Day to Day issues

Hallooo lovely people! Sorry been a bit slack on the old bloggage, (Aware that's not a word)

Over the last 12 months or so its come to light that I have been suffering from a lot of anxiety, I didn't really understand what was going on but a lot of things just didn't seem right! Im don't enjoy dwelling, I like to pin point problems and then work out how to solve them or move from one mental space to another by setting small goals. I don't necessarily agree with doctors prescribing medication for this sort of thing unless its a really serious case where the person suffering cant see any way out of their current mental state, therefore, I decided to go it alone and try and work it out myself! Its tough but the sense of calm I feel from some simple exercises I have picked up from my research along the way is invaluable to me so I decided to share some with you, because I know im not the only person that ever feels anxious about anything!

Have you ever had a friend who you have been close to and then circumstances change and so does your friendship and it either means you don't see them any more or you allow the changes to happen and you make the time to try and keep some sort of friendship going? Im normally quite "cut throat" with my friends, you get one or two chances and if you mess up and upset me you are GONE! - but I do have a few friends that I feel are worth it so I try my hardest with those people, sometimes it frustrates me because I don't like the one sided feeling but most of the time im still glad I try! When I feel frustrated I tend to overthink and so I end up thinking negatively about people and situations, it got so bad that it started to affect me at work and i'd walk into the office and burst into tears because of a completely none work related situation. I needed to do something about it!
I have a new technique which I have learned to help me shift my focus back to a positive place after my mind had drifted or gone into overdrive.

Try this, if something negative enters your thoughts, imagine a huge STOP sign, if you are alone you could shout STOP or just say it in your head. See the thought and let the sign take over that negative thought. When you think about negative things, notice how you breathe, is it fast and shallow? A great technique to shift your focus is to concentrate on your breathing. When you breathe in through your nose, concentrate on the cool air and the feeling of the air entering your nostrils, when you breathe out, concentrate on the warm air that exits your nostrils, breathe cool air in, breathe warm air out. You should soon be breathing slowly and deeply which will enter you into a state of relaxation and calm, and hopefully will clear a larger emptier space for your positive thoughts to enter into your mind.

I do this anywhere, walking down the street, laying in bed, walking home from work, sitting at my desk, its so simple and so effective. I guess its a type of meditation.

I have been meditating for about 7 or 8 months, in the morning for energy and in the evening to relax. I am also going to be taking a class in June which I am hoping will teach me more about how meditation can benefit us, I think the biggest thing i've learned so far is to accept the feelings, thoughts and emotions but to let them go at the same time and to not let them consume my mind.

I hope that this technique helps you the way it has/is helping me.

Thanks for reading xx