PA Anonymous

Hi i'm Hannah and I’m PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE.

I always thought that it was quite amusing that I am passive aggressive,  I kind of made jokes about it to hide the fact that it’s really not that funny and I should not be a proud passive aggressive!

Recently though since recognising this, I’ve decided to find out where it stems from and get to the root cause of what makes people passive aggressive.

I think it’s the inability to communicate what you want to actually say. If you don’t have the strength or confidence to say how you feel in an effective rational way then it can come out as passive aggression. For example, if you are not alright about something but you don’t want to say “erm im not happy about that” you may decide that you are going to act In a way that shows you aren’t ok with it rather than actually use your words and express your truth.  Having a strop etc! (Childlike behaviour)

Once I was unhappy about a situation so instead of thinking about how to approach it I went full force and told the person that I thought what they were doing was wrong and I got told to “F*ck off and mind your own business, who the fuck do you think you are”  This turned my aggression into a deep state of regret and I cried A LOT! – I still, to this day, think that the person I was talking to was in the wrong but had I approached it better maybe I wouldn’t have been scolded quite so hard!  But we have to let go and move on (which, by the way, I have I just bought it up for the sake of this blog!) 

Whilst I have been evaluating my approach, to communicating my real thoughts in an effective way, i’ve noticed that other people are much the same. I’m not the only passive aggressive person here, there’s loads of us, like a big gang. Let’s not meet up though because I don’t think it would turn out very well, OR we could just have a wine fuelled frolic and see who survives! LOL!

Frollic! Ha I love that word

So my new thought process goes something like this.

Am I annoyed?
Who am I annoyed with?
If I confront it, will it make a difference?
If the answer is no, its generally a lot easier and healthier for me to just let it go!
If the answer is yes, how do I approach this person.
In the kindest, calmest and most thought out way possible. DO NOT BITE! – I am well known for being easy to wind up, so trying not to bite is quite difficult.

You may think this is a long process to have to “think about what to do” but it’s much better to do this than to go full pelt and explode like a fire of fury.

So passive aggressive anonymous, try my thought process, it may work for you too J

A chi vuole, non mancano modi - Where there's a will, there's a way

Wow  the last 2 weeks have been CRAY CRAY. I wanted to share a little story with you about it all because I feel that "fate" really has played a part in the paths I chose to walk recently.

On Weds 5th Feb, I had an interview for a Teaching position and lets just say, it could've gone better. I felt that I didn't agree with the methodology of the school and that the man interviewing me was, simply, a money maker and did not have the compassion to be a teacher.
He simply played bad cop throughout and I left feeling deflated and wondering what the hell I am doing here. As soon as I walked out of the door I knew straight away that I would not hear from him and I told myself "Hannah, just write it off, you will get another interview with someone else but learn from what you feel you did wrong and apply it next time"

Despite me knowing that I should've taken my own advice, I still spent the rest of the day feeling rubbish and kept beating myself up. I had a tutoring lesson in the afternoon with some children and as I was walking to their house I came across the Wall Street Institute. I've heard of them before but wasn't sure where they were located and a little voice inside my head told me to go in and ask for an email address to send my CV to. I did just that because I believed that after something bad there will be something good and I believed that maybe I saw this place for a reason (that's just how I am!!)

The day after I received an invite to and interview from The Wall Street Institute. I went  the following day (Friday 7th) and tried to remember what I'd learned from the previous  interview and what I didn't want to do this time. I met a very helpful chap who told me all about the company and was really interested in my experience and me as a person, what I like to do in my spare time, why I love Italy etc. I walked away feeling better and thought that I'd done as much as I possibly could.

On Monday 10th Feb I received a call from someone else at the Wall Street Institute who invited me for a second interview. I went along on Weds 12th Feb and had my second interview where I was tasked with writing and teaching a mock lesson. (I was terrified!!!) I got some very constructive but positive feedback and I was told that they would call me with a decision the next day.

Later that afternoon I got a call and was offered the job.

I feel as though this is one of those stories which proves that, if something doesn't go your way to begin with, if you learn your lessons and apply what you've learned and keep trying, you will get there.

If you don't make that first step you will never make the 2nd 3rd and 4th steps either, you can try and skip but you'll just trip and end up right back where you were like a game of snakes and ladders.

My advice to anyone who feels they are in the wrong job or who feels passionate about doing something, JUST DO IT! - (rip off NIKE, soz)

If I can, you can!

Also today is Valentines day so spread your love and tell someone how amazing they make you feel xxx

Friendship Sabotage

Why is it that, as we begin new relationships/friendships, we often do more or go out of our way more for people we barely know than we often do for people who are supposed to be a significant part of our lives? I challenge you to reflect on that thought and apply it to all the relationships in your life, and be honest with your contribution in complacency and commit to getting back to the “bringing flowers” mindset (metaphorically speaking, of course). Because relationships are a two-way street.
Also, reflect on how you respond when people go out of their way for you and do thoughtful things, big and small. Are you grateful? Do you openly express gratitude, show appreciation, and inspire that person to want to do more? Expressing appreciation and gratitude through actions and words is the primary way to keep from falling into the complacency trap.

It's Monday, it's cold, make your friend or significant other smile and send them some sweet words or buy them some pretty flowers or do something small that you know they will love and be thankful for. These little gestures build long lasting friendships and long lasting relationships. If you become complacent your friend or partner will feel less valued and wonder where the person went who tried so hard to prove their worth in the first place! Its like false advertising but friendship doesn't come with a receipt and a 2 year guarantee!

Just something to think about xx

Mi Piace

Ciao

OMG we are on day 11 - feels like LOADS longer! I've been having a bit of an up and down week so far. I had an interview yesterday which was rubbish and made me feel rubbish all day but then after speaking to my lovely friend I felt loads better. Sometimes you just need a friend to remind you that you are ok and that its not a bad life It was just a bad day and to tell you to meditate because they know that it will help you focus!

I woke up this morning FULL of energy, before bed last night I meditated and woke up really focussed. I had a tutoring session for an hour this afternoon in which we just played UNO (surprisingly very educational! Colours, numbers etc) I pretended that I didn't know how to play so the boys had to try and explain in English, they spoke lots of Italian but I understood what they were trying to say and responded to them in English. It was a fun way of making some money anyway!

This morning I sent speculative CVs to lots of schools around the country, the list is huge so theres plenty more to go at! I got a call straight away from a school in Turin  which is about a hour away by train, I have an interview next Thursday with them, my CV seems to be doing its job! I haven't been to Turin before but I am happy to go and check it out, going to make a day of it and get as much out of it as possible.

Each day I feel something different, yesterday I wanted to leave and didn't want to be in Milan, I wanted to go to another city in Italy and try and live there instead. Today I feel less irrational but still interested in travelling to another place to see whats on offer. I don't want to waste this opportunity and leave having only been to Milan, so we shall see, I have another 2 weeks here so by the end of next week I need to have really decided where i'm going to spend March! - Florence is looking like a good option.

Well that's all really, in conclusion I feel like i'm achieving my goals. I've been here 11 days and I have 3 different families to tutor and some interviews coming up!

Mustn't grumble!

x