I always thought that it was quite amusing that I am passive aggressive, I kind of made jokes about it to hide the fact that it’s really not that funny and I should not be a proud passive aggressive!
Recently though since recognising this, I’ve decided to find out where it stems from and get to the root cause of what makes people passive aggressive.
I think it’s the inability to communicate what you want to actually say. If you don’t have the strength or confidence to say how you feel in an effective rational way then it can come out as passive aggression. For example, if you are not alright about something but you don’t want to say “erm im not happy about that” you may decide that you are going to act In a way that shows you aren’t ok with it rather than actually use your words and express your truth. Having a strop etc! (Childlike behaviour)
Once I was unhappy about a situation so instead of thinking about how to approach it I went full force and told the person that I thought what they were doing was wrong and I got told to “F*ck off and mind your own business, who the fuck do you think you are” This turned my aggression into a deep state of regret and I cried A LOT! – I still, to this day, think that the person I was talking to was in the wrong but had I approached it better maybe I wouldn’t have been scolded quite so hard! But we have to let go and move on (which, by the way, I have I just bought it up for the sake of this blog!)
Whilst I have been evaluating my approach, to communicating my real thoughts in an effective way, i’ve noticed that other people are much the same. I’m not the only passive aggressive person here, there’s loads of us, like a big gang. Let’s not meet up though because I don’t think it would turn out very well, OR we could just have a wine fuelled frolic and see who survives! LOL!
Frollic! Ha I love that word
So my new thought process goes something like this.
Am I annoyed?
Who am I annoyed with?
If I confront it, will it make a difference?
If the answer is no, its generally a lot easier and healthier for me to just let it go!
If the answer is yes, how do I approach this person.
In the kindest, calmest and most thought out way possible. DO NOT BITE! – I am well known for being easy to wind up, so trying not to bite is quite difficult.
You may think this is a long process to have to “think about what to do” but it’s much better to do this than to go full pelt and explode like a fire of fury.
So passive aggressive anonymous, try my thought process, it may work for you too J
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